> _ > RUN TEXT_ONE LOADING... ... Please enter name - > Player1 Thank you Player1. You find yourself in a dark room. There is dim light flowing in from a small window in the north wall, a few feet above your head. You think you can hear an ominous slithering noise coming from the east. To the west you can see the dim outline of a sturdy door and to the south, an apparently blank wall. The floor is lost in deep shadow. What do you do? > _ (This is a game. You choose what to do (anything goes). I will only do one command at a time, so first post goes. I'm making this up as I go along, so expect the absurd, stupid and feline. There is no way to actually lose, but there are many, many ways to look like an idiot. Have fun.)
Right. Now play the effing game. You do know how text adventures work, right? They are the simplist form of game after all.
> Go to the North Wall and examine the window The window is a few feet above your head. It offers illumination to the room, though little. It is large enough for you to fit through, but you can't reach it. You can definately hear a loud slithering sound from the east now, as well as a gentle hissing. What do you do? > _
WTF is going on here? Can't understand a sh*t about it. How you got those fonts? Lets dance because I am getting mad. :grin:
> run like a idiot in the wall trying to reach the window You run like an idiot into the wall. You f*cking genius. Aren't you ever slightly worried about that hissing to the east? You receive: Stone shard You receive: Minor concussion You receive: My eternal disdain What do you do? > _
> ask myself who I am, why I'm here and why am I bleeding? You cannot remember much of your past. Whether this is because of some text game stereotype, because the narrator can't be bothered, or merely because you just ran headlong into a brick wall, is unsure. You're bleeding because you ran into a brick wall. That hissing to the east is getting really quite loud now. What do you do? > _
> Go west and look for a door At the west wall you find the door. It is sturdy, but after pushing on it, it slowly opens. Inside is a small storage space. In the dim light you can just make out some odd objects. You receive: Metal hook You receive: Recipe for green tea You receive: Large anvil Wait, what? You can't carry an anvil around with you! Are you stupid? Item lost: Large Anvil That's better. How the hell did that fit in a small storage space anyway? Whatever. The light in the room is increasing. It seems that the window leads to the outside, and it is dawn. More of the floor is revealed, and you can see what appears to be a lizard-like tail leading into the remaining shadows of the east wall. The room is revealed to be bare. What do you do? > _
> Smoke recipe for Green Tea You try to smoke the recipe without the benefits of a lighter, or anything else for that matter. You fail miserably and look like an idiot. What do you do? > _
> Move the Anvil to the window You slowly drag the anvil across the floor, spurred on by the increasingly angry reptilian noises from the east. You drag the anvil under the window and manage to climb out. You look to the south at the building you just escaped and see it is little more than a bunker. It could only contain the one room you were in, unless there were more below, and the window is the only apparent means of entry or exit. There is a faint path leading towards the north, where you can see a distant forest. It looks foreboding and dark. To the east a gentle slope leads down to a huge valley, with a river snaking through it. To the west you can only see the apex of the hill. What do you do? > _
> Go east You go east down the hill into the valley. At the base of the hill is a small village. Your jumbled memories flash a card: This is not how a village should be. I village should have cars, signs pointing to towns, or at least a paved street. They certainly shouldn't be eight thatched cottages; one of which appears to be a pub, one of which a small shop, and a dirt street. There is only one man in sight, and he appears to be asleep in the middle of the road. He looks like he's been there some time, he even has wagon tracks over his chest. To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
> Go into the first hut and see if I can find Gilligan or the Skipper. You go into the nearest cottage. It's obvious that no-one has lived there for some time. There are no signs of habitation, and many signs of disrepair. There is nobody here. A family of feral cats are living in one corner and there are several nests in the roof. A sickly looking tree is growing in a patch of light caused by a large hole on the roof. But hey, maybe you'll find Gillian or the skipper somewhere else? You might even find Barney the purple dancing f*cking dinosaur. You never know. You leave the house and return to the street To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
> go to the pub, and beat the owner. You run into the pub. The owner is behind the bar. As he turns round to see who has entered you scream your war-cry and launch yourself at him. You wake up again in the street outside. Judging from the position of the sun several hours have passed. You receive: Another mild concussion To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
Ahhh the last time I played on of these was at least 6 years ago, it was called "The L Game" as far as I can remeber. Head north towards the shop.
> Head north towards the shop. You go north and enter the shop. It's run down with very little on the shelves. Dust has collected in heaps in the corners. Above the counter is a sign faded sign saying "We bye, we sel". Behind the counter is an old woman, snoring quietly on a rocking chair. What do you do? > Examine Metal Hook It's a hook. Made of metal. It's quite large, and may once have been used as a meathook. It's quite worn and the point is blunt, so it is little use as a weapon. It has a metal ring at the base, to tie a rope or chain to. It would make a rather splendid prop if you wanted to pretend to be a pirate, but other than that it seems to have no immediate use. What do you do? > _
> Pretend to be a pirate Holding the hook in your left hand you jump on the counter, and demand in your best piratey accent; "Arrr, give us the cash, Landlubber!" The old lady is startled awake by your antics. She looks at you in shock for a moment, then reaches under the counter. Her hand comes back holding a length of wood. You wake up again in the street outside. Judging from the position of the sun several hours have passed. It's almost night. You receive: A third mild concussion You're not very good at this adventuring lark are you? To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
> go to the east road and sleep in dirt ( you said that it's almost night). You walk a little to the east and sleep by the side of the road. That night it rains. This was a great idea considering you already entered a derelict house not all that long ago. I prostrate myself before the world's greatest adventurer, who, instead of sleeping under easily available shelter, sleeps by the side of the road in the rain. The next morning you wake up and return to town. You're beginning to get hunger pains. What do you do? > Examine the items on the shelves You return to the shop. The old lady, in the grand tradition of computer games everywhere, has not moved. You check the shelves. They mostly contain dust. There are some dubious looking objects under a sign reading "foode" which might be edible. Possibly. There is also a sign reading "stufed toiys" under which is an object which seems to be a large, dead and mouldering rat. There are some dusty, and probably unusable tools stacked in a corner and a number of empty bottle. What do you do? > _
>get the large, dead and mouldering rat and put it on the old lady's face, then wake her up You wake up again in the street outside. Judging from the position of the sun several hours have passed. You receive: Yet another mild concussion Stop doing things that get you beaten up! You're going to be stuck in this village for the rest of the game. To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
Like hell, I'm gonna beat the crap out of the old lady and trash her store! Teach her to mess with me...:tease:
A little to late to realize that her husband is but the sheriff of the town..... To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
Oi! You is stealing my game you monkey-bummer. Stop it. I may be slow but that doesn't mean you can steal my thread. You could have at least used the right font ANGREH FAEC! >:[ > follow the east road You feel that this would be a very bad idea. Without supplies you wouldn't last any time out in the wilderness. What do you do? > hell no.......south all the way...i like 'em pubs You go south and enter the pub. It's dark inside. The barman stands in the shadows behind the dirty looking bar. There is no-one else here, it doesn't look like business is good, or has been for a long time. "You gonna buy somethin'?" growls the barman. "Err... I don't have any money," you reply. "Then piss off" You leave. To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > Like hell, I'm gonna beat the crap out of the old lady and trash her store! Teach her to mess with me... I despair. You're meant to be the HERO of this game, and you spend your time pretending to be a pirate and trying to beat up old ladies? Dear me. You enter the shop, and weilding the Metal Hook, you shout your defiance at your terrible foe! The old lady wakes up, and looks at you in horror. In true knightly fashion you issue your challenge, swinging the hook for emphasis. The old Lady screams, "Oi Sammy, we've gots us a trouble maker!" Through the door behind the counter enters a real bear of a man. He's almost seven feet tall and as broad across the shoulders as you are tall. In fact, his beard looks like it could kill a man of its own accord. In true heroic fashion, you take one look at him, scream like a girl, and run for your life. Nice one. Here's a hint for you: STOP TRYING TO HIT THINGS! Maybe try to sell some of your inventory to the store? Just an idea. Or maybe you'd rather go and pick a fight with a house? It seems more in keeping with your current modus operandi. To the east is the road out of town, to the north is the shop and to the south is the pub. What do you do? > _
Go north towards the shop, and sell all the useless stuff you will never need from your inventory. Then head south towards the pub, go in and order a cold pint of Carling Extra Cold, and some Pork Scratchings.
