View Full Version : Blonde Jokes
Inquisitor
09-07-2002, 05:22 PM
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.
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A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde
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Question and answer blond jokes
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
No offense women....lol:D
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
She was so blonde...
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius".
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
...she studied for a blood test ...and failed.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
...she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
...she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
...she sold the car for gas money.
...when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home :D :grin2:
Inquisitor
09-07-2002, 05:37 PM
LOL, good ones Dan:)
u got ne more BRICK,ur never short of jokes ;)
Inquisitor
09-07-2002, 07:10 PM
Q: How did the blond burn her ear?
A: The phone rang while she was ironing.
Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in?
A: The sign said "must be 18 to enter".
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.
Q: How does a blonde make instant pudding?
A: She places the box in the microwave and looks for the "instant pudding setting" button.
Q: What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A: A case of empties.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".
LOL,good ones BRICK......like the 1st 1 :D
man those r good one lol:)
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine?She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.
"I wish I can become really smart and find a way off this island". POOF! The redhead immediatly build a boat out of twigs and vines and sailed off the island. The brunette then approached the genie and said "I wish to be even smarter than the redhead and find a way off the island". POOF! She started to collect rocks and seashells and made a airplane and flew right off the island. Now very excited, the blonde said to the genie "I want to be even smarter than those two and find a way off this island. POOF! The blonde turned into a man and walked across the bridge.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? "Oh look, donut seeds."
A Blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out. When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said:"there's no fish in there". So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish there. So she moves again and the voice tells her there are no fish there. So she looks up and see's a man looking down at her. "How do you know there are no fish there?" So the man cooly says "Well first of all this is a hockey rink and you're going to have to pay for those holes.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
A blonde was woken up in the middle of the night to find her house alight. So she went straight to the phone and called 911. When they asked how do you we get to your house, she said "Duh...in the big red truck!"
Why do blonde woman use electric lawnmower's? So they can use the cord to find ther way back!!!!!
Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can't, they have always been like that.
Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Q. How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.
Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
WorlWydeHusla
09-08-2002, 07:17 PM
LMAO so many funny ones:clap:
A MUST READ please pay $1 or more if u think it is good:grin2:
k... this is a good one.... u know when col post a joke it must be a good one...so here it is:grin2:
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to
the mail box.
She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the
house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to
the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out
again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked
her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer
keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
Inquisitor
09-08-2002, 09:11 PM
LOL, nice one m8
Geordie Girl
09-08-2002, 11:13 PM
Ooooh bad karma bestowed upon everyone in this thread :p
Outlawz
09-08-2002, 11:19 PM
Muuu Haaa GG is angery you all know what anger leads to :flame:
Inquisitor
09-09-2002, 01:46 AM
Nothing personal GG, at least I've stopped the lawyer jokes:kiss:
philman132
09-09-2002, 02:05 AM
Q: theres an intelligent blonde, an intelligent man, santa claus and the tooth fairy, all in a lift, theres a five pound note on the floor, who picks it up?
A: The intelligent man, the other three dont exist.
two blondes are drving in the desert with two bombs in the car, one in the front, one in the back, one says to the other
'' what happens if the bomb in the front goes off?'' the second one answers
''dont worry, weve got another one in the back!''
Q: what do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: laugh, she's holding the grenade
a blonde a brunnette and a ginger are all in a castle when they meet a wizard, he says that he has a magical slide, and if you slide down it and shout out somthing, then you land in a pile of whatever you shouted out in the first place.
so the brunnette slides down the slide and shouts out ''gold!'' and she lands in a pile of gold, the ginger goes down and shouts out ''diamonds'' and she lands in a pile of diamonds, then the blonde slides down and shouts out ''wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' '
LOL...a nice landin 4 her then :D
Inquisitor
09-09-2002, 04:02 AM
Some good ones, and old ones too :)
Loonytune15
09-09-2002, 01:23 PM
funny thread no offense to blondes
Bandit
09-09-2002, 01:24 PM
LOL all of yours are good :)
Blonde gets coffee
A blonde was recently hired at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos so that the
counterman could view it, and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"
The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf."
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
dan u stole my joke!!!!:mad: look above..... i already posted that;)
NorthViking
09-10-2002, 01:47 PM
Originally posted by col
dan u stole my joke!!!!:mad: look above..... i already posted that;)
Sorted.
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